Getting Married

discussing finances, financial compatibility, combining finances, budget plans

So, you plan to get married, or perhaps you just tied the knot

CONGRATULATIONS!

We wish you all the best in your many years together ahead. Now let's address one of the most important parts of keeping a marriage intact and functioning well - healthy finances.

We talk about relationships and budgeting quite a lot on this site for good reason: money problems are among the top reasons relationships and marriages fail. We've written about budgeting in new relationships, budgeting for weddings, budgeting within relationships and families in general, and for those expecting a baby. You will find overlap in the concepts and words between these relationship pages because many of the fundamental principles are the same. But if you and your loved one are about to or have just gotten married, things are serious and you're now making decisions and plans together for the long term, and finances are one of the most important premises underlying all those plans.

Marriage is a Long-Term Plan and a Long-Term Financial Partnership

Now, of course, there are exceptions to the statement above, some people get married on a drunken whim in Las Vegas or impulsively without concern for the future, but we're going to assume those folks aren't reading information about budgeting in marriage. For most of us, marriage is an important union between people who intend to commit to each other for their foreseeable lives together.

When people get married they often make plans about the wedding, the honeymoon, perhaps their dream home or the children they may hope to have, all the fun stuff in the wonderful years ahead. What is also very important to discuss and understand is your shared financial dreams, goals, and plans. Financial planning and budgeting for newlyweds and soon-to-be newlyweds should include individual short and long-term goals as well as shared short and long-term goals. To read more about setting goals click here.

Perhaps a little uncomfortably, you'll also want to know about each other's spending and savings habits; the good and the bad, as honestly as possible, because...

Finances are One of the Leading Causes of Divorce

According to some sources not only is money the leading cause of stress in a relationship, but a significant number of married people also lie to their spouses about their spending habits. When we daydream about what married life will be like with our partners we rarely consider that budgeting may be one of the most important shared activities, one that holds you both together as much as regular displays of affection and thoughtful deeds. Rather than letting one of the leading causes of divorce ruin your marriage, take this opportunity to connect with your partner as honestly and proactively as you can about your finances, and then work together on establishing a family budget. Here are some steps towards a good start financially as a soon-to-be or newly married couple:

Marriage vs Finance - Discuss the statistics of finances and marriage failure so that you both understand the necessity of proactively establishing your budget plan as a married couple. Commit to being honest with each other about finances, you may think it goes without saying but say it anyway. Be honest with each other while creating your budget plan.
Assessing Finances - Do a reconnaissance of each other's assets and debts. Do not omit anything, bare it all.
Strengths & Weaknesses - Discuss each other's financial strengths and weaknesses. Is one of you more of an over-spender, or one of you more disciplined? Though you may be compatible in other important ways you may find that you're not so compatible financially. How can you work it out proactively so this doesn't spell disaster for your marriage in the future?
Joint or Separate Accounts - Work out if you'll have joint and or separate accounts. Most modern couples have a combination of both types. They have joint accounts to pay bills or they each take on some of the bills and pay them themselves. Nowadays with many couples both working they keep their own savings accounts separate.
Finance Boss - Decide on financial roles within your marriage. If one of you is naturally better at managing money it will likely work out better for them to oversee your budget and financial planning. It is important though that both members of the marriage stay involved in financial planning and general money management, if only in review and oversight. Even if budgeting isn't your forte, it's wise to be available to discuss and understand the budget together. Don't turn a blind eye, if one person takes total control things can get out of hand. Budgeting and planning decision-making are important steps in any marriage.
Goals and Dreams on the table - Discuss your debts, your dreams and your goals. Determine which of those are shared, and which of those are individual. This is the beginning of your budget plan as a married couple!
Develop a budget plan together - You can use an online system like ours to make it easier. Carefully decide on savings and expenses in order to keep stress down and success happen.
Updating Status - Make a list of all the things that need to be modified and updated once you are married such as wills, insurance policies, and financial accounts. These are all key points to making sure life together flows smoothly.
Getting Professional Advice - If you could use advice on financial planning together or on your taxes as a couple, find a relevant expert and make it a date to go see them together.

Budgeting is Not Typically the Stuff of Romance Novels But...

Perhaps it should be, perhaps every fairy tale, romantic comedy, and an epic tale of love that lasts a lifetime should include a scene where the enduring relationship lasts because of proper budgeting. Ask any family lawyer or couples' therapist and you'll have it confirmed for you that the well-being of your marriage hinges in large part on avoiding stress and strife around money.