Finding Common Ground

<p> Common Money Issues Between Couples:<br /> Couples disagree and argue about lots of things but there is one particular subject that tends to be more damaging to relationships than others: money.</p> <p> It should be part of every relationship to make sure that the income, spending and savings styles of both people are well understood as soon as possilbe. Then some sort of agreement can be made so there is a proper financial footing. Not discussing financial issues can lead to a lot of grief. Discussing issues can head off problems.</p> <p> If there are problems, a good way to start off the discussion is to ask why a person wants to spend so much - were their parents always buying things and going into debt just because they liked to live for the moment. Maybe they are big savers because their parents were always in debt. Discuss the situations before complaining and use the information to come up with agreeable resolutions.</p> <p> Talking over finances: According to a survey conducted by Wells Fargo, 44% of people ranked personal finances as the most difficult topic to talk about. Many people would rather talk about death, politics, and religion rather than what they earn, spend, or owe. If you want to have a long and happy relationship with someone, one of the first things you’ve got to get over is your fear of talking about money. Letting financial concerns simmer beneath the surface leads to fights – and in many cases, those fights lead to break-ups or divorce.</p> <p> Incomes:</p> <p> Some people find their incomes become a problem. At the beginning it is hard to figure out how to divide up the income. How much goes into each others accounts and how much is considered joint funds. Some couples say that one person will be responsible for the rent or mortgage and the other person will be responsible for the household items etc etc. Other couples will simply pool most of the income together and it is spent according to a budget. There should always be a little bit of own money of course. Those funds allow each person some simple freedoms.<br /> One partner will obviously make more money then the other and in fact one person may make all of the money. That doesn't mean that one person should make all of the decisions. Each partner must have some say in the financial distribution of spending and savings departments, even if one person is deemed the actual budgeter in the family,. Make sure to make a concerted effort to discuss all of the types of things that are usually spent on or saved for.<br /> Spending Habits:</p> <p> This is one of the biggest problems. A real spender will be ticked off when the other person is somewhat frugal and vice versa. Being too frugal or too extravagent will cause some resentment. Talk over the probem and what results there are because of the problem. Then discuss some solutions. Maybe set some limits. Spending habits develop over time, and it is likely hard to change that habit immediately. Try to decide on some new rules and/or boundaries to help control the issues, then be patient for changes to happen.<br /> Another way to deal with this is to allow each person an allowance and a personal account and some of the savings can go into it while the main part of the savings go into a joint investment account. Then there is a control method here and each person is responsible for that amount only.<br /> Make sure to agree on certain parts of the expenses. The cook in the house might get a little more say in what happens for the kitchen while someone may be the planner for the home and yard. These types of issues should be discussed early on in a relationship. It is a good way to start so there are less surprises down the road.<br /> Saving Habits:</p> <p> there are obviously some people who are simply poor savers and then there are a few people who like to save a lot, but they are few and far between. Obviously a reasonable balance needs to be struck. The idea is to create a set of goals to save towards then figure out time frames for the goals to be met. If goals can be set up then both people should make an attempt to meet those goals. The main thing is to create some savings just in case of emergencies or the need to buy a new vehicle or you just want to go on a vacation. This one method means that each person is on the same page. Use a planner that shows what the goals are so each person knows what they are equal partners in and how much and how long the savings plan will be in effect.<br /> Couples often disagree about how (and how much) to save as well. For example, some people might be so focused on saving that they’re willing to pass up many life experiences, from travel to eating out at a restaurant, while others appreciate a little splurge now and then.<br /> It can be difficult to agree on where to save money - put it in a safe account or put it in an investment. Savings accounts rarely make more then inflation but they are safe. ETFs and Mutual Funds are decent middle ground but can down in the short term. Couples can't always agree on where to save. If it becomes an issue then it may be best to let it be handled by a financial professional.<br /> Get Everything Out in the Open - it is very hard to keep things hidden and if something is hidden then found, the result is usually not good.</p> <p> Of course it will take a bit of time for all of the issues to come to the fore and for all of the issues to get sorted out. Be equitable as discusstions are ongoing.</p> <p> There are two other extremely important issues to face as a couple; debt and children.</p> <p> Debt:</p> <p> How much is too much or how to pay off existing debt. One person may say that debt is normal in our society while the other person may say that debt is wasted money.<br /> If one person comes into the relationship with a lot of debt while the other person is debt free then how should the debt be paid off. This has to be addressed and the debt must be paid off.<br /> Obviously, this kind of problem should be discussed before the relationship starts and make sure a decision is made and finalized ---- Rachel -- I don't have a great remedy for this and I doubt this needs to be dealt with in a budget format. The subject does need an ending though. See what you can come up with</p> <p> Children:</p> <p> It may seem like a nice idea but the fact is that they not only create a lot more expenses but there are a lot more issues that come up. Therefore, plan this issue well ahead rather then let it accidently creep up on you. Many people make only enough for themselves yet they want children. That isn't really fair to the adults or the children because there just ins't enough&nbsp; funds to go around in a responsible way. Discussion is only part of the answer here. Make sure to look up all of the issues that will occur when having children, all the way from what is expected from the husband before birth and how much the husband will be expected to handle as well as how they will handle any of their children. Will they spoil them or will they keep costs down. How will look after the child while the parents work? What kind of schooling will they get. Will they be able to afford all of the basics the child will need in order to function in society. Seeing there is so much information available now days, get the info and use it.</p> <p> Once new standards are arrived at, it may take some time to learn the new rules. Allow a bit of leeway.</p> <p> Common Financial Issues for Families:<br /> Couples are one thing, then there are families. They simply have more issues about everything. Some additions to the couples issues are:</p> <p> No matter how much a family tries to be good financial stewards there are some problems that simply pop up and need solutions. Good leadership is an excellent trait at this point but not every family has the ability to cope equally. Learning how to resolve financial issues is one of the difficult parts of budgeting because they are not always black and white. Money can create many problems within a family. It is very rare that a couple have the same spending habits and savings ideas. Here are some issues and possible solutions:</p> <p> --Budgeting; every family should create a budget of some form and follow it. The budget will focus on: saving first (putting funds aside upon being paid) so that savings are available for future necessities; and spending for fixed costs (the most needed) and variable costs (needed but price, quality and quantity are controllable).</p> <p> Problem: Some people want more of the pie (their share of the budget) or some people spend more of the pie (over-spending).</p> <p> Solution: One way to alleviate some of the stress is to give allowances. This way a person can spend the way they want and aren't constricted by the family budget. This simplifies the budgeting process, allows more spending freedom and reduces stress. It also makes each person more responsible for their part of the budget and hopefully they will learn to be more fiscally responsible.</p> <p> Another alternative to making sure each person understands more of the fianancial needs of the family is for each person to take turns paying for different things. A couple of months a year each one does the grocery shopping and sees how much stuff costs while the other person may pay the utility bills for a few months to make sure they know what and how much it is costing to run the household.</p> <p> --Expenses:</p> <p> -- Problems:</p> <p> -- Solutions:</p> <p> --Savings:</p> <p> -- Problems:</p> <p> -- Solutions:</p> <p> The main point though is to discuss the subject constantly and if necessary create a budget and get bank accounts that are transparent enough for the wage earners to see what is happening with the family funds.<br /> It should be part of every relationship to make sure that the budgets of both people are well understood and some sort of agreement is made.<br /> Each person should have their own accounts and the family should have a special joint savings account. This way the main savings account can't be depleted in a undesirable manner.<br /> If there are problems that can't easily be resolved try going to your local bank and see what their financial advisers say. They may be able to resolve issues that people can agree to work with.</p> <p> extra info to add to article</p> <p> Ways to solve some issues:</p> <p> One thing a couple mentioned was that they never went to bed at night until they had come to a conclusion about any problems that had cropped up. It is likely that some decisions were to discuss it more tomorrow but at least it was on the table and would be talked about and finalized. They do seem to have their finances in very good order.</p> <p> These issues are all part of the planning process and it is felt that talking through the problems and using a budget are two great ways to look at the financial needs of a couples or families.</p> <p> Wills<br /> --Wills: they are created to make sure that in case of the worst possible scenario there is an instrument available to sort out financial issues in a quick and precise manner. Lack of wills can cause a lot of frustration in sorting out a families financial situation. Lawyers can wind up being the beneficiary of an estate rather then the family members. A will may cost a few hundred to do a proper one. It must be noted that a simple will can be written up but it is easy to misenterpret even the simplest of ideas. Talk to a notary about making a will to find out what problems may crop up and then decide on how to proceed.</p> <p> links posts/blogs(?)</p>

<p> Common Money Issues Between Couples:<br /> Couples disagree and argue about lots of things but there is one particular subject that tends to be more damaging to relationships than others: money.</p> <p> It should be part of every relationship to make sure that the income, spending and savings styles of both people are well understood as soon as possilbe. Then some sort of agreement can be made so there is a proper financial footing. Not discussing financial issues can lead to a lot of grief. Discussing issues can head off problems.</p> <p> If there are problems, a good way to start off the discussion is to ask why a person wants to spend so much - were their parents always buying things and going into debt just because they liked to live for the moment. Maybe they are big savers because their parents were always in debt. Discuss the situations before complaining and use the information to come up with agreeable resolutions.</p> <p> Talking over finances: According to a survey conducted by Wells Fargo, 44% of people ranked personal finances as the most difficult topic to talk about. Many people would rather talk about death, politics, and religion rather than what they earn, spend, or owe. If you want to have a long and happy relationship with someone, one of the first things you’ve got to get over is your fear of talking about money. Letting financial concerns simmer beneath the surface leads to fights – and in many cases, those fights lead to break-ups or divorce.</p> <p> Incomes:</p> <p> Some people find their incomes become a problem. At the beginning it is hard to figure out how to divide up the income. How much goes into each others accounts and how much is considered joint funds. Some couples say that one person will be responsible for the rent or mortgage and the other person will be responsible for the household items etc etc. Other couples will simply pool most of the income together and it is spent according to a budget. There should always be a little bit of own money of course. Those funds allow each person some simple freedoms.<br /> One partner will obviously make more money then the other and in fact one person may make all of the money. That doesn't mean that one person should make all of the decisions. Each partner must have some say in the financial distribution of spending and savings departments, even if one person is deemed the actual budgeter in the family,. Make sure to make a concerted effort to discuss all of the types of things that are usually spent on or saved for.<br /> Spending Habits:</p> <p> This is one of the biggest problems. A real spender will be ticked off when the other person is somewhat frugal and vice versa. Being too frugal or too extravagent will cause some resentment. Talk over the probem and what results there are because of the problem. Then discuss some solutions. Maybe set some limits. Spending habits develop over time, and it is likely hard to change that habit immediately. Try to decide on some new rules and/or boundaries to help control the issues, then be patient for changes to happen.<br /> Another way to deal with this is to allow each person an allowance and a personal account and some of the savings can go into it while the main part of the savings go into a joint investment account. Then there is a control method here and each person is responsible for that amount only.<br /> Make sure to agree on certain parts of the expenses. The cook in the house might get a little more say in what happens for the kitchen while someone may be the planner for the home and yard. These types of issues should be discussed early on in a relationship. It is a good way to start so there are less surprises down the road.<br /> Saving Habits:</p> <p> there are obviously some people who are simply poor savers and then there are a few people who like to save a lot, but they are few and far between. Obviously a reasonable balance needs to be struck. The idea is to create a set of goals to save towards then figure out time frames for the goals to be met. If goals can be set up then both people should make an attempt to meet those goals. The main thing is to create some savings just in case of emergencies or the need to buy a new vehicle or you just want to go on a vacation. This one method means that each person is on the same page. Use a planner that shows what the goals are so each person knows what they are equal partners in and how much and how long the savings plan will be in effect.<br /> Couples often disagree about how (and how much) to save as well. For example, some people might be so focused on saving that they’re willing to pass up many life experiences, from travel to eating out at a restaurant, while others appreciate a little splurge now and then.<br /> It can be difficult to agree on where to save money - put it in a safe account or put it in an investment. Savings accounts rarely make more then inflation but they are safe. ETFs and Mutual Funds are decent middle ground but can down in the short term. Couples can't always agree on where to save. If it becomes an issue then it may be best to let it be handled by a financial professional.<br /> Get Everything Out in the Open - it is very hard to keep things hidden and if something is hidden then found, the result is usually not good.</p> <p> Of course it will take a bit of time for all of the issues to come to the fore and for all of the issues to get sorted out. Be equitable as discusstions are ongoing.</p> <p> There are two other extremely important issues to face as a couple; debt and children.</p> <p> Debt:</p> <p> How much is too much or how to pay off existing debt. One person may say that debt is normal in our society while the other person may say that debt is wasted money.<br /> If one person comes into the relationship with a lot of debt while the other person is debt free then how should the debt be paid off. This has to be addressed and the debt must be paid off.<br /> Obviously, this kind of problem should be discussed before the relationship starts and make sure a decision is made and finalized ---- Rachel -- I don't have a great remedy for this and I doubt this needs to be dealt with in a budget format. The subject does need an ending though. See what you can come up with</p> <p> Children:</p> <p> It may seem like a nice idea but the fact is that they not only create a lot more expenses but there are a lot more issues that come up. Therefore, plan this issue well ahead rather then let it accidently creep up on you. Many people make only enough for themselves yet they want children. That isn't really fair to the adults or the children because there just ins't enough  funds to go around in a responsible way. Discussion is only part of the answer here. Make sure to look up all of the issues that will occur when having children, all the way from what is expected from the husband before birth and how much the husband will be expected to handle as well as how they will handle any of their children. Will they spoil them or will they keep costs down. How will look after the child while the parents work? What kind of schooling will they get. Will they be able to afford all of the basics the child will need in order to function in society. Seeing there is so much information available now days, get the info and use it.</p> <p> Once new standards are arrived at, it may take some time to learn the new rules. Allow a bit of leeway.</p> <p> Common Financial Issues for Families:<br /> Couples are one thing, then there are families. They simply have more issues about everything. Some additions to the couples issues are:</p> <p> No matter how much a family tries to be good financial stewards there are some problems that simply pop up and need solutions. Good leadership is an excellent trait at this point but not every family has the ability to cope equally. Learning how to resolve financial issues is one of the difficult parts of budgeting because they are not always black and white. Money can create many problems within a family. It is very rare that a couple have the same spending habits and savings ideas. Here are some issues and possible solutions:</p> <p> --Budgeting; every family should create a budget of some form and follow it. The budget will focus on: saving first (putting funds aside upon being paid) so that savings are available for future necessities; and spending for fixed costs (the most needed) and variable costs (needed but price, quality and quantity are controllable).</p> <p> Problem: Some people want more of the pie (their share of the budget) or some people spend more of the pie (over-spending).</p> <p> Solution: One way to alleviate some of the stress is to give allowances. This way a person can spend the way they want and aren't constricted by the family budget. This simplifies the budgeting process, allows more spending freedom and reduces stress. It also makes each person more responsible for their part of the budget and hopefully they will learn to be more fiscally responsible.</p> <p> Another alternative to making sure each person understands more of the fianancial needs of the family is for each person to take turns paying for different things. A couple of months a year each one does the grocery shopping and sees how much stuff costs while the other person may pay the utility bills for a few months to make sure they know what and how much it is costing to run the household.</p> <p> --Expenses:</p> <p> -- Problems:</p> <p> -- Solutions:</p> <p> --Savings:</p> <p> -- Problems:</p> <p> -- Solutions:</p> <p> The main point though is to discuss the subject constantly and if necessary create a budget and get bank accounts that are transparent enough for the wage earners to see what is happening with the family funds.<br /> It should be part of every relationship to make sure that the budgets of both people are well understood and some sort of agreement is made.<br /> Each person should have their own accounts and the family should have a special joint savings account. This way the main savings account can't be depleted in a undesirable manner.<br /> If there are problems that can't easily be resolved try going to your local bank and see what their financial advisers say. They may be able to resolve issues that people can agree to work with.</p> <p> extra info to add to article</p> <p> Ways to solve some issues:</p> <p> One thing a couple mentioned was that they never went to bed at night until they had come to a conclusion about any problems that had cropped up. It is likely that some decisions were to discuss it more tomorrow but at least it was on the table and would be talked about and finalized. They do seem to have their finances in very good order.</p> <p> These issues are all part of the planning process and it is felt that talking through the problems and using a budget are two great ways to look at the financial needs of a couples or families.</p> <p> Wills<br /> --Wills: they are created to make sure that in case of the worst possible scenario there is an instrument available to sort out financial issues in a quick and precise manner. Lack of wills can cause a lot of frustration in sorting out a families financial situation. Lawyers can wind up being the beneficiary of an estate rather then the family members. A will may cost a few hundred to do a proper one. It must be noted that a simple will can be written up but it is easy to misenterpret even the simplest of ideas. Talk to a notary about making a will to find out what problems may crop up and then decide on how to proceed.</p> <p> links posts/blogs(?)</p>